my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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