It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're like the curious george of whores
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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