just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they're like a gay fantastic four
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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