i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
