Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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