This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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