Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
