Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
