So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
