They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
