I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
