Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
