sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
