im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
