goodnight i made you a song goodbye
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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