Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
