Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
