I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
