Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
