So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
