i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
