Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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