I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
