You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
