It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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