NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish my penis had a tongue
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
