Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
