i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
