So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
