I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
