some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
