if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
