we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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