I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
