Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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