Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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