Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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