I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
