im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
