Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
