im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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