So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
