i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
