Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
