Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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