Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
