Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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