woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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