I wish my penis had an off switch
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
