So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
