That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
