I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
