pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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