Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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