a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did you just send me my own nude
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
