the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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