I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
